If your child is afraid of insects – especially spiders – then you know how quickly a normal moment can suddenly become a dramatic situation. A spider on the wall, and zap… my son is already out of the room before I even understand what happened.
What I've learned over the past few years: The insects are, of course, the trigger for the fear, but as parents, we can determine how we deal with it and how safe our child feels.
Here are 5 things you, as a mom, should preferably NOT do if your child is afraid of insects – and what can help instead.
"The spider isn't that big."
"You're not a little kid anymore."
"Oh come on, it's harmless."
It's well-intentioned, but all your child hears is: My fear isn't being taken seriously.
Better: "Okay, I see that really scared you. It's alright, we'll look at it together."
Especially with spiders, it can be hard for us moms to stay cool.
But if we scream or flinch, it amplifies the fear, whether the child is four or fourteen.
Better: Take a breath, stay calm, move slowly. (And if you're secretly creeped out – perfectly okay. The main thing is to appear calm on the outside.)
If your child (or teenager ;-)) suddenly yells across the house, "There's a SPIDER!!!", it can be annoying – I get that.
But scolding only turns fear into stress + guilt.
"Go back inside, nothing will happen!"
"Stay still, it won't hurt you!"
"You have to learn to deal with it."
That increases the pressure and deepens the fear.
Better: Small steps, voluntarily.
For example: "Do you want to wait outside the room while I secure the spider? You tell me when I should go far enough away."
Of course, you could quietly and secretly remove the spider.
But then the fear remains nebulous and threatening for your child – because they never see that it is controllable.
This way, your child learns: There are solutions. And they don't have to be a hero to accept them.
At some point, I stopped expecting perfect reactions from my child – and from myself, by the way. Fear is not a sign of weakness, but simply an emotion that sometimes becomes bigger than one would like.
What helped us: talking openly about it, allowing small steps, and not dramatizing situations. And sometimes it's simply okay to leave the room for a moment, take a deep breath, and try again later.
Only one thing is important: Your child feels supported, taken seriously, and understood.
The rest comes with time, and often faster than you think.