If your child is afraid of insects – especially spiders – then you know how quickly a completely normal moment suddenly takes on drama potential. A spider on the wall, and poof… my son is out of the room before I even understand what’s happened.
What I have learned over the last few years: Insects are of course triggers of fear, but we as parents can determine how we deal with them and how safe our child feels.
Here are 5 things you shouldn’t do as a mom if your child is afraid of insects – and what can help instead.
1. do not make a fool of yourself
“The spider isn’t that big.”
“You’re not a little kid anymore.”
“Oh come on, it’s harmless.”
It’s well-intentioned, but your child only hears: My fear is not taken seriously.
Better: “Okay, I can see that it really scared you. It’s all right, we’ll look at it together.”
2. do not panic yourself
Especially when it comes to spiders, we moms sometimes find it difficult to stay cool.
But if we shriek or flinch, it increases the fear, regardless of whether the child is four or fourteen.
Better: take a deep breath, stay calm, move slowly. (And if you’re scared inside – that’s perfectly okay. The main thing is that you appear calm on the outside).
3. do not scold
When your child (or your teenager ;-)) suddenly shouts “There’s a SPIDER!!!” all over the house, it can be annoying – I can feel it.
But scolding only turns fear into stress + guilt.
Better: “Okay, you were scared. We’ll sort it out.”
4. do not confront with coercion
“Go back inside, nothing will happen!”
“Don’t move, it won’t hurt you!”
“You have to learn to deal with it.”
That makes the pressure greater and the fear deeper.
Better: small steps, voluntarily.
For example: “Would you like to wait outside the room while I secure the spider? You let me know when you want me to go far enough away.”
5. don't just do everything in secret
Of course, you could remove the spider quietly and secretly.
But then the fear remains nebulous and threatening for your child – because they never see that it can be controlled.
Better: “I’ll catch them now. You don’t have to watch, but you can if you want. Just say what feels good for you.”
This teaches your child that there are solutions. And they don’t have to be a hero to accept them.
From our everyday life
At some point, I stopped expecting perfect reactions from my child – and from myself too, by the way. Fear is not a sign of weakness, but simply a feeling that sometimes becomes bigger than you would like it to be.
What helped us: talking openly about it, allowing small steps and not dramatizing the situation. And sometimes it’s just okay to leave the room for a moment, take a deep breath and try again later.
Only one thing is important: your child feels accompanied, taken seriously and understood.
The rest comes with time and often faster than you think.